Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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