So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
