Someone shit on the floor
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
