Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
