11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
