So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
