A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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