Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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