I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We smell like vodka and hangover
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