god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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