def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
