i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
