They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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