Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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