I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
