the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think my vagina is haunted
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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