Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
