There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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