I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
