Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
