some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
