porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
