yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
