Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We left an ass print on the piano.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
