I look better un-naked...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
