I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
