you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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