hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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