I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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