The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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