i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
