Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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