Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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