around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
