i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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