So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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