Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
