I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
