He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
