Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
