# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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