I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
