I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
