Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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