Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
