There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
