"it" just moved
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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