Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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