please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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