Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
