Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
