i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
